Alas! Gas!

It has been so long since I have put a post on this blog that I don't remember how to write in humoric prose. But that's alright...this isn't about humor - it's about satire. And we all know that satire is a cousin to the grim reaper, Sonic the Hedgehog, Wile E. Coyote and Frank Caliendo (all characters created to make us laugh as a means to soothe the sharp pain in our descending colons at the expense of someone else's descending colon - especially if your name is Charles Barkley). Why? Because I said so and - unlike the retail business - the writer's always write (I mean "right" - that's my acknowledgement to all of my punilicious readers).

No, really...by now you must surely realize that I have lost my blogger touch. Or have I? Either way, that's alright because you're reading this anyway, and I am improving my mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, physiological, astronomical, gastrological health by taking stress out to the cleaners and leaving him there until I have time to run into the city to pick him up.

And if you are about to stop reading because you believe that reading this post will do nothing to increase your knowledge of Iran's WMD's, you are dead wrong. I'm about to jump into that right now, because we all know that when things are really bad around us - including the poor economy and gas prices and the Cowboy's dismal season and executives spending billions on food and a President-elect who obviously knows as much about the geopolitical playground as the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner - it helps us to feel better when we learn something truly dreadful and life-threatening: in this case the fact that a terrorist is about to have nuclear weapons.

You would think that as butt-kicking awesome as our Navy Seals are, that we would be able to do something about that, such as having perhaps a couple of them walk into Iran with bombs wrapped around their bodies mummy style - which would probably be the best camouflage available for Iran - and walk up to the nuclear sites and actually take off the bombs and run away while the bomb blast behind them can make them dive on the ground like Harrison Ford does in action movies galore.

Or maybe the seals could do something even more awesome, such as steal the real centrifuges and replace them with centrifuges filled with rotten eggs and other foul-smelling gases, which, when Ahmadinejad comes to inspect would blow up in his face and we could maybe have a hidden camera there and broadcast it on Nightly News with Brian Williams and we would all have a good laugh and the Navy Seals would be given medals for the successful covert mission.

But that won't happen because us Americans don't know how to have a good laugh anymore or how to perform practical jokes throughout the geopolitical playground like Teddy Roosevelt and Winston Churchill did. Bummer, because I was just about ready to have a good laugh at gaseous Iran.